Dear Spiders,
We need to talk. I appreciate that you’ve chosen my home as your little sanctuary, and I understand you’re just trying to live your best spider lives. But here’s the thing: I didn’t invite you. And, frankly, your surprise visits are becoming a bit too frequent for my liking.
Now, I know you mean no harm. You’re just hanging out in the corners, spinning your webs, and occasionally making a daring escape across the living room floor. But let’s be honest—your timing is terrible. Why must you appear just as I’m about to drift off to sleep, or worse, when I’m in the shower? The element of surprise might be fun for you, but it’s not so thrilling for me.
So, let’s make a deal. You pack up your eight little legs, gather your webs, and kindly relocate to, oh, I don’t know, anywhere else but here. Think of it as an opportunity to explore new frontiers! The great outdoors has plenty of lovely spots for you to settle down. There are trees, bushes, and endless places where you won’t have to deal with a human who yelps at the sight of you.
In case you’re not convinced yet, here are a few tips I’ve come across that will help encourage your decision to move out:
Essential Oils: Apparently, you’re not a fan of peppermint oil. Who knew? A little spritz of peppermint oil mixed with water around windows, doors, and other entry points should send a clear message that you’re not welcome here.
Cleanliness is Key: You love clutter and dusty corners. But don’t get too comfortable because I’m breaking out the vacuum and dusting off every nook and cranny. Without those cozy hiding spots, I’m afraid you’ll find my home quite inhospitable.
Seal the Deal: Gaps, cracks, and openings are your go-to entryways, but not for long! I’m sealing them up to ensure you have no easy way in. It’s not you; it’s me—I need my personal space.
Lights Out: I’ve learned that you’re attracted to insects, and insects are attracted to light. So, I’m keeping the outdoor lights off when possible and drawing the curtains to make my home less appealing as a bug buffet.
Citrus Peels: I’ve also heard that you dislike citrus. So don’t be surprised if you find some lemon or orange peels strategically placed around the house. Consider it my way of saying, “Please, go find another home.”
I hope you understand that it’s nothing personal. I’m just not the best roommate for you, and I think we’ll both be happier if you find somewhere else to hang your hat—or, you know, web. So, let’s part ways amicably, and I promise there will be no hard feelings. I wish you all the best in your future endeavors, far away from my living room.
Sincerely,
The Lady Who Lives Here
P.S. If you’re looking for a more permanent solution to keeping spiders at bay, remember that Mindful Cleaning Co., your trusted South Jersey maid service, offers thorough cleaning services that can help make your home a no-spider zone. We’ll handle the dusting, vacuuming, and cleaning so you can enjoy a spider-free space without lifting a finger.
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